Mazes of the Mind

That's the main underlying feeling in my existence these days. Just the desire to run and get away. From what? I'm not too sure. Just, people, I guess. Or more specifically, humans. I've realized that I love people, but I hate humans. Humans in general suck, they're noisy, annoying, vapid, empty... But people are nice. People are good. They're friendly, warm, welcoming, original, real. There just aren't enough people amidst all these humans.

I'm reaching that breaking point again. Where everything has me being jumpy, I'm anxious and jittery. Everything sets me off or makes me angry. Especially just humans. Anybody coming in to the library at work, their mere presence, angers me. For no other reason than that they are there. That's not normal.

I just want things to change, but I'm stuck waiting. I'm seriously thinking about a new path, involving different work, but I would need someone who owns a home to co-sign for me and I don't know anybody who owns a house. Feh. I don't know what I'm going to do if that's something they really, really need. I'm meeting with people about this next Tuesday... we'll see.

I'm trapped here for another two and a half hours... then I can go home. I can't wait to just be back in my apartment. Even if I am in a state where the cat simply meowing stresses me out, at least I wouldn't have to deal with humans. Plus I can smoke and relax and play video games - which for some reason I am apparently amazing at while stoned - and... imagine things aren't as they are.

Life sucks. Blah.

But I honestly don't think I'd mind if I were... Okay not really, I like being alive, but I am so stressed out lately. Absolutely nothing has changed since my last post two weeks ago. I am still running around like a headless chicken. It's driving me insane. ( Read more... )